Christ Centered Spirituality

There are two groups of people whom I love to spend time with – the young children and the older and mature people because they both have something in common – the love for simple life witout any trappings. The young children have an intuitive love for life, a simple yet profound love for the fact and the act of ‘being’. They are the ones that ‘simply’ enjoy the fact that they are alive and kicking. Whereas, the grand old ones have the rich experience of the love of life, an existential proof of fact of ‘being’ being an act of love.

The other thing that the young ones and the older ones have in common is that they both live in a timeless world, they are un-pressured by the trivialities of the act of being. I was lead to think about all of this because of a memorable experience I had last Saturday with a very affectionate family from SJD small group study and their three kids a 5 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 month old little one.

Last Saturday evening I had completed my discovery classes and was on my way back loitering round Rive oaks in the bike because I was not ready to call it a day, I wanted more out of life. I was pondering what I could do next, that was when I thought I heard someone call me from behind I looked back there was a car close behind. I was wondering who it was. When the car pulled by me, I realized that it was the family from the small group Bible study at SJD and seeing me they had called out my name. They invited me to dinner at their house close-by. I couldn’t be gladder than to spend time with a family with three cute little kids, and all of them so welcoming and affectionate.

I could see how the children, were so excited just by the fact of being. 2 year old, was so glad to just see me, it did not matter to her if I was her friend or not. It did not matter to her that I was a bloke that had a tough time relating to kids in an existential sense. It did not matter to her that I was really not sure how I had to sweet-talk to a kids. All that mattered to her was that I was a ‘being’ that was there and I was ‘looking’ at her. She would go and hang from the edge of the table and look at me with a big beautiful eyes to see if I was watching her aerobic exploits.

Then she would think how else to engage me, because I was her guest and she was the host. The parents were making dinner and we were all at the kitchen were we all were. 2 year old would be the busiest person there walking around the kitchen wondering how to engage me. Then she called me over to the couch and there she took out a coloring book and started coloring the pictures – like an artist performing for an audience. I was so surprised that a 2 year old could be so cognizant of how to relate with people so well. I guess it is a part of the unblemished image of God in human beings. She was just keeping me occupied and happy.

Then came my turn to reciprocate, my turn to play the only trick I know to make kids happy which is to lift them high up over my head and give them a supported free fall with a few variations. Kids love it. It is my trick to compensate for my inability to sweet-talk to kids. Kids like me to do that again and again and because my arms are strong I don’t tire easily. I love two things about it. One, how the kids laugh with a sparkle in they eyes. Two, how they come back for more – when they want more they would shyly walk up to me and lift up their hands as though reaching out for another candy.

It astounds me that such a simple ‘act of being’ as lifting up a kid could make them so excited to want more and more of it. It is their innocence and the sense of wonderment of being that makes them enjoy something so simple. As people grow up they loose that sense of wonderment for the simple things of life.

What was so beautiful about this event is that in lifting up 2 year old again and again, I was enjoying it as much as she herself was. In a way the experience had made a kid out of me. It made me enjoy all the simple nuance of life.

2 year old was taken to sleep. The five year old came down wearing a feathered Indian band she had made in her school. Being a five year old, her way of relating was pretty different from her 2 year old sister. She was more vocal. She was visibly self conscious and shy. She started talking about her school and what happened there. She was an entertaining story teller. It was so apparent that she loved to talk. I loved listening to how a kid would script her story how she builds the nuances into it. By now, it was getting late and it was time for her to go to bed.

But of course, kids live in a timeless world. They are never pressured by what they needed to do next. She really did not was to go to bed and was lingering as much as she could in the hall and then finally bid goodnight and went off to sleep.

The 3 month old was such a cheerful kid. I guess it was because of the way the parents involved him in conversations. We would talk about Ten Commandments or Benhur and during our discourse, the mom or the dad would look at the little one ‘so, you would love to see Benhur, wouldn’t you?’. It was as though little one was always a part of all conversations. I think they set a very good example in parenting because I have seen parents often shut their kids off adult conversations. Of course, little 3 month old kid even smiled at me. But I really couldn’t figure out the reason for the smile. Perhaps it was just that I was a different looking being in there and it seemed funny.

Kids make a kid of me. That I am sitting here at 3:00 am ‘charged-up’ and typing this off, well aware that I need to wake up at 7:00 am to go to gym and then to office is proof enough that I have entered into the timeless world as theirs.

What I love about the kids and the old people is their zest for life. I see it in their eyes – the love for life.

In a timeless perfection
I am. I read. I write. I talk.
I fly. I dance. I laugh. I love. I am.
God smiles at me.

I read a book. Write two. Paint New life.
I debate; make a speech.
I love the theatre. I make a movie.
And Master Artist smiles at me.

Unperturbed by time, I cherish being
The essence of what I am;
The discovery of my real self.
My Architect smiles at me.

I am; my being Him worships
My New Life I love. My New Home I cherish
My King of Kings smiles at me
And I at Him. This is heaven.

Alone in the station
Wanting the train to stop
As the train leaves with the loved one
On a journey of no return

Forever ingrained in a haunting memory
The eyes in the window watching
The eyes that would kill
Till the beholder’s closes forever

Would the beholder’s eyes close as the train moves
In a prayer to stop the moving mass of steel
Or would it be riveted into the eye at the window
Not the loose the last of the loved one

The eyes all the more endearing
As the loved one disappears into oblivion.
Until all there is, is nothing.
Nothing but a searing pain in the fainting sense.

The train is gone.

The whole being fights in sobs deep and big.
The eyes that held itself clear and dry
To look for the last of any love
In the eyes at the window, flood now.

The frigid being comes to senses, afraid.
Lost forever, the loved one
Left forever with an inexorable longing
For the love and the time gone by.

The time that consciousness fears loosing for eternity
A time that has become its own curse
A curse that would continue till the casket closes
Of falling in love with the wrong pair of eyes.

Alone at the station of life
The train moves on.

(inspired by the ending scene of ‘Sunflower’ one of Sophia Loren’s classics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbU-a99giUg this is the scene where the husband of hers who loved her initially suddenly leaves her for another woman far off)

Once an editor sent a letter soliciting an essay from G.K. Chesterton on the topic ‘What’s Wrong With The World’. The editor was shocked when he opened the mail which contained the essay because all it said was…

I am.

Yours truly,
G.K. Chesterton.

The editor had to read it twice before he understood that what G.K. Chesterton meant as the answer was ‘There is nothing wrong with the world, it is just that I am wrong with the world’. I had a similar experience at St. John’s Divine Episcopal Church at Houston this Sunday morning, the experience wasn’t as profound as to be worthy of G.K. Chesterton’s quote. I just find the analogy a funny one.

I woke up at 7:00 am on Sunday and got ready to go to 8:45 AM service at St. John Divine Church. I started in my bike which at about 8:20, the roads were unusually vacant. I was at SJD sharp at 8:45 but I found very few cars. “What’s wrong here” I was thinking, “don’t people come to Church in time?” I entered the main Church there was not even a single usher. What is wrong with the ushers aren’t they supposed to be here. I went into the church to find the pews empty, not a soul in the Church. Now I was confused.

I went out there was a lady walking by, I asked her if there wasn’t’ supposed to be a service there at 8:45 AM. “Yes there is” she said. “But the Church is empty” I replied. “Oh, we shifted back an hour, there is a service which starts at 7:45 AM in the chapel, you may come there” she replied and walked off. I was thinking to myself, What on earth did she mean when she said ‘we shifted back an hour’. I can shift something that is humanly tangible, I can shift the venue of a meeting, I can shift my house. How can I shift time? Even God hasn’t performed that miracle for more than two and a half millennia. I though to myself, “What is wrong with her”

I looked at my watch it was almost 9:00 AM. So I was late to the 7:45 AM service by over an hour. I thought that I would be in time for communion at least. I entered the chapel and the lessons were being read. I thought again, “What is wrong with this service, isn’t the service supposed to have the lessons at the beginning much before the communion?”. I was baffled and thought that may be there was a problem in the main church and so they shifted the service to the chapel. But still the chapel was too small and there were very few people. Even if the venue had been shifted shouldn’t the folks that come regularly have come? What is wrong with these regular Church folks? Did they all decide to come to the 11:00 AM service? What is wrong with them? Or was there an important football game? The service was over and as I was coming out, a genial old man came up patted me on my shoulder and told me nice to see you young man. It then occurred to me there I was the youngest guy there. Why aren’t there any young people here? What is wrong with the young people, don’t they come to Church anymore? By then it was about 10:00 AM in my watch.

I went to the main Church building, where as per the Church bulletin, a Bible Study was to begin at 10:00 AM, but to my utter confusion there were ushers giving pew sheets for the 8:45 service. “What is wrong with this Church today?” I was thinking.
So I went to one of the ushers and asked him, “Isn’t there supposed to be a Bible study here?”
He said, “Yes, it is at 10:00”.
I replied “Yes, but then why is there a service now?”.
“This is the 8:45 service” he said.
I replied “But shouldn’t there by be the Bible study here now?”

He as visibly confused as what I was trying to ask. And I was thinking so “What is wrong with this guy?” I really did not know what to ask him next, he really did not know what to tell me. I was wondering. “I just don’t get it, What is wrong with the world today?”

Then I heard a familiar voice calling me “Emmanuel” from behind I turned and there was Dana and Don who always have the knack of finding me when I am lost in Church and making me feel at home. I asked Don “I was thinking there supposed to be a Bible study now at 10:00 here, but why is there the service now instead of the Bible study?” Don thought for a moment and had a hearty laugh and said “Dude you didn’t set your watch back by an hour”. Then it occurred to me that it was Day light savings time shift when all clocks all over the US would be shifted back by an hour I forgot to set my watch back by an hour.

I had been at Church at 7:45 but my watch was wrongly pointing at 8:45 am. So I was attending the 7:45 service thinking it was the 8:45 service. There was nothing wrong with the woman who said ‘we shifted back an hour’. There was nothing wrong with the reading of lessons in the 7:45 service. There was nothing wrong with me being the youngest guy at the 7:45 service, the young guys come to the 8:45 service. There was nothing wrong with the usher whom I had confused by my questions. There was nothing wrong with the world. It was just that I was wrong with the world.

Nevertheless to do my best to rectify my mistake, I attended the 8:45 service which I had originally intended to attend. And then I attended the Bible study at 10:00 it went on till 11:00 and till 11:30 I was at the contemporary service, by then I had had 3:30 hours of nonstop church activity. I decided to take a break. I sat with my laptop at the SJD lobby and was deep into my writing. At 12:30 I went to lunch with my friends at Lake wood. I was back at the SJD lobby at 4:00 pm to work on my writing. On my way back, Rev Doug waved at me as he drove past. I was thinking to myself as to what a queer sight in the road I was, because I guess I was doing a very un-American thing of ‘commuting’ in my bike wearing formal.

SJD lobby is a quite place to concentrate to do some writing. I stayed at SJD and I attended the 6:00 PM service as well. On the whole today I attended al most all services on a Sunday. So the day that started with everything being seemingly wrong ended as a perfect Sunday.

If someone in India wants to cater to his/her urge for crazed violence, then all one has to do is to find a church or prayer hall which can be vandalized at will and then the blame can be put on the ‘idea’ that Christians indulge in forced conversion, never mind the ‘fact’ there in the law courts there isn’t even a single conviction in the numerous arrests that have been made on the false charges of forced conversion.

If someone in India wants to have on heck of a time beating families peacefully sleeping in their homes, then all one has to do is find a Christian home in the neighborhood and break into it at night and beat them black and blue. The ‘propaganda’ that Christians are the ones who run the many destitute homes so that inmates can be forcibly converted to Christianity somehow warrants such treatment in the middle of the night.

If someone in India wants to play a real life game of hunting down humans in jungles all one has to do is get a bunch of like minded folks and storm a Christian village chase the villagers into jungles and then hunt them down until the thirst for blood is quenched. The ‘prejudice’ that Christians are the first to aid riot victims or victims of natural disaster only to indulge in more forced conversion of the victims somehow deserves such cleansing of villages.

All of this beating, looting, raping, lynching and burning alive of Indian Christians can be done free of cost. None will be questioned, none will be made to face the law. It is all free of cost. But this shall not continue on forever, one day justice shall come knocking on the doors of these despicable sons of the Indian soil and demand its pound of flesh, then they shall pay the likes of Praveen Togadia, Bal Thcakrey and Raj Thackrey . Until then Indian Christians come free of cost.

The important Christian perspective that should not be forgotten by the cheap Indian Christians, is not to somehow find a way to make it costlier to persecute Indian Christians but to somehow get the attention of the persecutors onto the single most important even in ‘space-time’ which made Indian Christian free of cost – the blasphemous possibility where the God of the heavens was made free of cost to be beaten and killed by a frivolous throng.

The only payment that Christians can receive from such persecution is the harvest of souls that generally follows every widespread persecution in history. But that payment would never be received if focus of the cross is lost. By not focusing on the cross and by focusing on making Indians costlier, a stop can be put to such inhuman blood-boiling persecutions, but Indian Christian would only have made themselves cheap for they would have relegated off the possibility of earning a big payment of persecution harvested souls.

I love observing kids, I love talking to them. To me, they are the ones that talk least nonsense.

Sometime back , when I went for fresher interviews to college campuses one thing I would often wonder about is how to judge the attitude of a person sitting across the desk, who often try to feign polished attitudes.

A couple of weeks back during the annual harvest festival INGAT at the St. George’s Cathedral at Chennai the perfomance of some little children helped me get some insights into how the attitude of the interviewee could be judged. I was incharge of the youth group’s stalls and when I realized that some little kids were dancing I went to see them. That was when I noticed something pertaining to their attitude.

A few kids were really happy about what they were doing, they did not have all the necessary co-ordination but still the element of ‘happiness’ was high. They needed no external reason for doing what they were doing, the happiness they felt in dancing was sufficient reason enough. On the other hand a few other kids were just performing for the sake of performing perhaps their parents wanted them to dance or their sunday class teacher forced them to enroll. Internally, by themselves, they had no reason as to why they had to do what they were doing. What they did simply brought them no happiness.

Even in work I often find people who are not really happy about the work they do. When there is a problem with the written program and work needs to be done to ‘fix’ it their face becomes as oblong as it could. They work not for the joy of work but for the sake of something else.

Applying this to conducting interviews, the interviewer need to ascertain the extent of ‘happiness’ the person has in just ‘doing’ the work he says he has been doing, withtou regard to any external factors. The interviewer has to ascertain if the interviewee worked in his college for the joy of work or if he worked to get a job or to get better grades. The best attitude to have is the attitude where work is a joy in itself.

The recent and continuing spate of Christian persecution has been a painful thing to observe and even more so to internalize. Internalization means asking myself the question “If I were to face the choice between the bullet and the Bible, with what ‘attitude’ would I choose the Bible?”, “Would I ‘cheerfully’ take the Bible and accept the bullet?” To be honest, I was thinking it may be difficult, in the moment of reckoning, to take the bullet and give up all the dreams and passions of life. So, I was not sure about how ‘cheerful’ I would really be at the prospect of martyrdom.

As this thought was going over my mind and in a way eating through my mind, I was at the Cathedral for a communion service on 27th Septmeber 2008, which was also my birthday. It was also the aniversary commomeration service of the union of Church of South India (CSI). It was a Eucharist service. When I was preparing for the communion, suddenly a thought struck. I was here ‘celeberating’ Christ’s martyrdom for my sake but I was being gloomy about my martyrdom for Christ’s sake.

It was in this mood of humble introspection as I was walking up to the altar to symbolically partake of the divine Body and Blood that communion had an entirely new meaning to me. It was after thinking through the existential prospect of martyrdom for Christ that Christ’s sacrifice for me seemed so much more real and closer to my heart.

The literate elitist Indians were shocked when they heard that a CEO, Lalit Kishore Chaudhury of Graziano Trasmissioni was beaten to death by the workers of his company at Noida, an important industrial centre of India. Perhaps they were even more appalled when the Union Labour minister Oscar Fernandes said ‘… this should serve as a warning to managements in other companies to respect the workers’ (an off-hand remark for which he later apologized).

To me, though that was indeed shocking, that wasn’t very surprising. The basic issue here is not about who is getting killed but about the basic impetus to do the killing – the principle which makes the killing an act of justice. The principle being that killing is justified not because the one killed did something wrong but because the one killed represented a force before which the killer feels powerless against. We have been used to this principle of resorting to killing people when one really does not know how to counter a force which seems unstoppable. The Hindu fanatics of Siva Sena and Bajrang Dal have been killing Christians to counter the seemingly unstoppable force of Christian conversions. When killings go on without any repercussions, acts of violence become the ultimate panacea to problems against which one feels powerless.

The Hindu fanatics do not know how to counter the force of Christian conversions. Let us face the fact, there have been cases where conversions were not genuine, there have been cases where conversions happened to gain material ends. But this is a small fraction of the conversions happening across India. The Hindu fanatics have no idea how to counter these mysterious conversions of the second kind which are much higher in number and more threatening than the first kind. They resort to violence and then justify killing Christians on flimsy ground that conversions are inhumane acts which deserves capital punishment.

The reason for killing the CEO was not so much about the wrongness of his decision to fire workers but the powerlessness the worker feel against him. The impetus to killing Christians is not the wrongness of the act of conversions, but the powerlessness one feels against the force of conversions.

The problem is this, once the idea of killing people becomes justified when one does not know how else to counter a force that is formidable and threatening, it naturally follows through that this principle will get applied to all spheres of life, including the communal, social and economic. Eventually, this principle of killing would also be applied to sphere of the economic disparities and what we have in our hands would be a revolution where the root cause wouldn’t be wrongness which deserves punishment but just a feeling of powerlessness which demands blood of those representing the indomidable force, to feel powerful against the force.

There are two ways to respond to a formidable force. One, is to give a cerebral response the other is to give a carnal response. When Emilie Zola in his campaign against the attrocities in the French army relied on the principle “Truth is on its march and nothing can stop her”, it was a cerebral response. When the Maximilien Robespierre started the French Revolution by appealing to the carnal inclinations of the masses, he set in motion a phenomena which had become a 800 pound ‘irrational’ gorilla and it turned back on him, it was the carnal response at its work. When reason is thrown out of the window and the basal instincts take over there is no saying who is next on line. The Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal are creating a 800 pound ‘irratonal’ gorilla which when let loose will be unstoppable.

It is saddening that the Intellectual Elite of Indian seems to be very slow in awakening to the realization of the creation of this irrational self-destructive phenomenon which will shake the very foundation of freedom and democracy in India.

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out–
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me–
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

– Martin Niemoeller (A decorated U-boat captain of WWI who later became a respected Protestant leader who openly spoke against the Nazi ideology and was sent to a concentration camp for his anti Nazi propoganda)