Oh, What do We do With Burdensome Kids? Simple, Don’t Have Any!!!

I met a guy who had just become a father for the second time. I was inquiring on the health of his infant son. I was a surprised when suddenly he said, “you know what, babies are costly”. Of course, babies are ‘priceless’. But he actually meant, “kids are ‘high maintenance'”.  I replied, “Oh, well… of course, kids cost money. But kids are what we live for… at the end of the day”. He replied, “Yes, that is a good way to look at it.”

Sometime back, I was talking with a guy from Church. He was well employed and married. He said that his wife wanted kids, but he wanted to postpone it. He said he might be able to hold out for another two years before acquiescing to his wife’s wishes.  Once upon a time, I think kids were seen as a ‘blessing from God’. But now, by default, kids are seen as a ‘liability’ to be avoided as much as possible or accepted as the last resort.

Why do we live in a world where kids instead of being seeing as ‘blessings’ are seen as ‘liabilities’ monetarily and more. Broadly speaking, pre-modern values dictated the man lived for the sake of his progeny. In the book ‘How Then Shall We Live’, Francis Schaeffer says that, in contrast to the pre-modern values, the ultra-modern man see two primary values worthy of pursuit, ‘affluence’ and ‘personal peace’. Kids are a threat to both. Today, if you would go and tell an urban ‘progressives’, “you live for you kids”. He/she will probably wonder, “Wow!!! So my life is not about who I want to be? It is about the kids?”

I was chatting with a childhood friend of mine. She had been married for about 4 years. She said that her husband did not want to have kids yet. I asked why. “Oh well, he thinks he is still in his teens and wants to enjoy life more before having kids”. Pre-modern man saw marriage as a means to have children. Ultra-modern man sees marriage as a means for ‘personal fulfillment’. He’ll have kids only as long as he see that as a means to ‘personal fulfillment’ of some sort.

The young Steve Jobs is a case in point. He impregnated a girl (I believe in his early 20s) and refused to own up to it for 2 years. His court documents state, “that he couldn’t be a father because he was ‘sterile and infertile, and as a result thereof, did not have the physical capacity to procreate a child.'” Later on in his life, he adored his kids he “procreated” with a different woman. This goes to the point that in the early part of his life, the kid was too burdensome to be fulfilling that he was willing to do anything to disown it, even call himself infertile. Most modern men wouldn’t go to the extent of disowning their kids, but they’ll do quite a bit to not have them in the first place.

I recently read through Genesis in my daily ‘quite time’ routine. One thing that really stuck me was how much of Genesis hangs around the idea of offspring. It is almost all of life’s meaning is drawn from the life of kids. Right at the beginning God starts talking about ‘multiplying’ and filling the earth. Then the story is about Adam and Eve and their children. Then Noah and his children. Then Abraham waits so long for a kid. Without Isaac’s birth, Abraham would have been a blip in the radar. During the time of Isaac, Isaac does not have kids. He prays and gets Jacob and Eusa. Then the story is more about Jacob and Eusa. During Jacob’s time it  about how he gets to have 12 kids and then it is about Joseph. This focus of Genesis on the offspring makes a lot of sense, because, at the end of the day, the baton has to be passed so that the Name of the Lord is ultimately glorified and His blessings is carried forward through all the Nations. Christians of this generation don’t appear to be doing enough to pass on this baton.

Sociologists say that for any culture to thrive, each family on an average has to have about 2.5 kids. If it goes below this, then the culture would begin to die slowly. In fact the reason why Islam is spreading much faster than Christianity is because Christians have a lot fewer kids than Muslims.

I, being the disinterested observer, it is easy for me to say people should have more kids. It is easy for me to raise thorny questions. God has given us mandate for procreation and for preservation, and there is a balance between the two. I realize there are no easy answers. Life is hard work. Life is complex. Life is confusing. Nevertheless, I think unless we STOP seeing marriage primarily as a means to ‘personal fulfillment’ and start seeing it primarily through God’s intended purpose of procreation, there is very little in this world to encourage people living in individualistic cultures to have kids. Living in consumerist societies, we want everything cheap, Kids being priceless is something that is out of our league. Sadly so! 

My September Posts in Facebook


Well, Steve Jobs is ok. He is still the Chairman of the Board. Techie journalists – please STOP eulogizing…


A lady and a gentle man with a heavy British ascent stopped me to ask for directions to their destination. The man kept repeating, that he recalled that ‘there was a BIG parking space’ next to the destination. I wanted to say, “Buddy, that does not help. I don’t know about Britain, but in Texas all parking lots are BIG.”


I would rather be remembered as a failure than not be remembered at all, for in the scope of Eternity even failure has a purpose.


A warrior that has nothing to worship outside of himself will end up warring against his own self. A man who isn’t drawn outside of himself in worship and war will end up self-obsessed and consequently self-destruct.


Life is filled with choices. With choices come multi-pronged ‘tensions’. Man, puny as he is has to trust in luck or in God’s Sovereignty to ‘work it ALL for the ultimate good’. Trust in God’s Sovereignty gives a better framework to make brave choices, after all a man trusting in luck will be hard pressed to embrace Martyrdom.


Isn’t it a blessed day when you get back from work after 00:00 hours but you still feel so full of energy because work was so exciting!!!

Hedgehog or the Fox – I am Happy to be the Hedgehog

A dear friend of mine commented that it was impressive that I found different ways to say the same thing in my blogs. She meant it as a compliment. It was a compliment that sort of made me self-conscious about all that I write about.

When I look back at my writing, I do realize that I start from different places, juggle disparate ideas but always end at one ‘all unifying’ theme – – the supremacy of the Lord, His Word and His Work. In fact, I think this started very early in my life. I clearly remember the comments of some of my friends during my college days, that I took everything and turned it into something about God. Later on, I came to know from some a friend that my  tying everything back to matters that have to do with God was pissing off some folks in our class. I toned  down my expositions, but now with the blogs I feel free.

As I thought about this further, I realized the reason why I always tied everything back to God is because I can’t help it. It is the one thing that makes me passionate. There was a time when I was sharing my thought about God in emails to people and one of my good friends suggested that I start a blog in stead of bothering people with emails. So I start blogging in addition to bothering people with emails about my thoughts on God.

On the other hand, this realization that all my posts almost have monolithic themes made me feel like I was dumb. There was a point at which I started wondering if I should rather just stop writing and do something more worth my while. That was when I came across a part of Isaiah Berlin’s essay ‘The Hedgehog and the Fox’. The ancient Greek Poet Archilocus said, “a fox knows many things, a hedgehog knows one big thing”. Thinkers have historically fallen under two categories – Universalists and the Paticularists. Universalists come from the Platonic school of thinking in which they are always trying to synthesis ideas to bring it up to one BIG universal idea. Paticularists follow the Aristotelian way of thinking in that they allow the paticulars to remain as they are, categorize them separately, instead of trying to find the Universal idea that ties them together.

Berlin goes on to say that by this classification, Shakespeare was a fox and Dostoevsky is a hedgehog. Shakespeare let things be as they are, was content explaining them as they are without any need to find a metaphysical unity. On the other hand Dostoevsky was always trying to point to something high up above, trying to say there was more to it than met the eye. Shakespeare’s work is like a masterful painting. Dostoevsky’s is like a towering peak that one had to climb to have the panoramic view of the world from this higher vantage point.

So this meant that I don’t have to be apologetic that almost all my posts have one central theme. Foxes have their place. Hedgehogs have theirs. If I am to be a Hedgehog, I’ll be happy to be the Hedgehog. I’ll continue writing about the central theme of supremacy of the Lord, His Word and His Work!

Not Tired of Steve Jobs… Yet! Ok, But What NEXT?

Last week today, I went home, logged onto facebook, read my friend’s status update ‘Black Day – Job died’ and got warped into a timelessness capsule. I had to add that surreal moment to the will-remember-where-I-was-when-I-heard-it list. The last one on the list was Michael Jackson. (/emmanuelreagan/2009/06/michel-jackson-timeless-or-timeless.html).

Since then, I have spent quite a bit of my time, reading about Mr. Steven Paul Jobs. Even today, a week after his passing, I still can’t resist a news article that analyses and praises his deep passion for technology, his prescience in uncovering the deep needs of human nature, his sense of aesthetics etc… It was today that I wondered, why I do not get tired of Steve Jobs? Is it just curiosity? Of course, I am a ‘curious cat’. But even when I read things about him which do not add to my knowledge-base and consequently cannot satisfy my curiosity, I still happily read on. Why?, probably because I admire him.

The Christian reads the Bible for similar reasons. We don’t just read the Bible because it satisfies our curiosity (which it does by the way, at multiple levels), but because it is about someone who is to be admired – the One Sovereign God who is the most beautiful person ever. There are times when I have said in some Bible Study groups, “God is the most beautiful person ever”, and have gotten the Dude-you-are-weird looks from others. I don’t care that I look weird, not just because I know I am weird (everyone is weird to some extent, some more than others. God creates diversity. :P), but because I know when it comes to matters of admiring the Lord’s beauty, I am in good company .

Psalm 27:4 This only have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.

It behoves me to note that this sort of seeking to gaze on the Lord’s beauty is not easy for fallen men, which is why in the first part of the verse, David pleads with the Lord to make it possible for him to only seek after the Lord… ‘This only have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after’

David’s reference to ‘House of the Lord’ and ‘His Temple’ refers to life in Heaven as well. Imagine living forever and ever doing nothing but gazing on the Lord and inquiring to know more about Him. Would it be boring after a few days? Heavens, NO! Why? Because the Lord is the most beautiful person ever. He is worthy of all admiration. If a finite man by the name Steve Jobs can inspire me to spend so much time reading about him, how much more can an Infinite God inspire me to spend an Eternity trying to know him more and more and more and more and more… and a thousand, thousand time more!!!

When a Christian reads the Bible and get on his knees to pray, he is just having a foretaste of that Eternal pleasure of getting to know Him, which is what makes the ‘Quite Time’ the most exciting time of the day. To call the time spent reading the Bible and Praying as ‘Quite Time’ is I think, a terrible misnomer. I would rather call it ‘Pleasure Time’ or ‘Delight Time’ or ‘Exciting Time’ or ‘Gazing on the Lord Time’ for that is what it is.

When we read the Bible and Pray we don’t get get into some laconic, dull, comatose state. Rather, ‘kindled’ by the Holy Spirit, we get to do the thing we most enjoy to do – admire the Lord. We get excited – like a jock watching his favourite star play Football – like a nerd reading the Lord of the Rings – like a non-philistine listening to Beethoven’s 5th.

Christians are excited to gaze upon the Lord and this is one thing they’ll do it in this life and continue doing to a greater extent of pleasure and contentment in the NEXT one too. Steve Jobs did so much towards making this life meaningful and exciting. He famously said, “life is short, don’t live someone else’s”. But honestly, I wonder how much thought he put into the flip side of that exhortation – finding excitement and meaning in the NEXT life after this short one! If Jobs doesn’t find his NEXT life exciting and meaningful, this may be the first time his much admired prescience to anticipate future needs and improvise upon it from the present, has let him down. But then death stumps even the Strong!!!

Ps: ‘NExT’, by the way, is the name of the company Jobs founded after he was originally dumped by Apple. NExT was spectacularly idealistic. It was true to ALL of Jobs’ perfectionist visionary ideals of creating the NEXT revolution in computers. It made great products, but wasn’t that successful. NExT was bought by Apple and its OS became the core to Apple’s successful OS X. But the biggest asset that Apple got with the NExT acquisition was the legend Steve Jobs… Reverting back to the point of this post, having an unbiblical perspective of life makes even the longsighted, short-sighted, the strong, weak and the brilliant, foolish. Steve Jobs famously said in a 1985 interview, “I don’t care much about what is right or wrong. I care for success”. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I guess success doesn’t matter as much as wisdom from the Lord!

Not Ultimate, But Important

I made a case in my blog on ‘Lion King’ that this world is NOT ultimate and that as Christians, for us the next world is the ultimate one. This is true, but this does not mean that this world isn’t important. This world is important because Jesus Christ inaugurated the Kingdom of God in this world and we are a part of the Kingdom of God. In this ‘Kingdom of God’, each of us human beings have an important part to play and we need to fulfill that role.

As I noted in an earlier blog about Horses and Christians, Christians need to go out into the world and start building hospitals and corporations and orphanages and make good movies, paint beautiful paintings etc… But all of this apart, the most important goal for Christian living is to be conformed to the Image of Christ. Whether you are building a hospital or a corporation or orphanages or good movies, or great paintings, the Holy Spirit is working in you to conform you to the image of Christ and that is what truly determines success in life, this is why this life though isn’t ultimate, is important nevertheless. 

Propitiation and Praise

I am reading J.I.Packer’s ‘Knowing God’. Paul was most wise when he said he compared everything else as rubbish when compared with the joy ‘knowing God’. True wisdom is in knowing what is truly valuable.

Packer has a chapter in the book, ‘Heart of the Gospel’. Reading the heading, I thought that the chapter would be about God’s love. But much of the focus of the chapter was in ‘propitiation’. Propitiation is something that is given to reconcile. In religious terms, it means a costly sacrifice to appease a God. For example, pagan kings would sacrifice their son/daughter as a propitiation to gain a God’s favor.

‘Propitiation’ is a word that rankles our modern sensibilities, because as moderners, we don’t quite understand a ‘Holy God’. They don’t realize the extent of their rebellion against God. We feel entitled to ‘free love’, even from God. We don’t feel the need to pay the cost for reconciliation with God. We don’t even know that we don’t have the capital to pay the cost of reconciliation with God.

Christ’s propitiation, to modern man is a superfluous solution to a problem that he doesn’t quite understand – the problem of his enmity with God. So his appreciation of Christ is totally misguided at best, or non-existent at worst. At best, he thinks Christ came to be a great moral teacher, a good shepard, a revolutionary etc… not much unlike a Bhuddha or a Ghandhi or a Teresa. That is hardly reason for ‘worship’.

Christ is something the moral teachers, the good leaders, the selfless revolutionaries of history aren’t – Christ is the Propitiation. True ‘praise’ is possible only when we understand Christ as the propitiation. After having read J.I.Packer’s chapter on the Heart of the Gospel being Christ’s propitiation, this Sunday, when I sang worship songs, the word ‘Christ’ sounded ‘heavier’ than it usually did.

Unless we connect praise with the idea of propitiation, we will need other motivations to praising God – lights and smoke and high decible vocals and music that work us up. Knowing God is priceless because Praising God is impossible without Knowing God. The truly wise spend time ‘Knowing God’.

Please Talk to the Picketers!

Driving towards the parking lot of Reliant Staduim where the Day long Fasting Prayer event ‘The Response’ was held, I saw some people with Placards – mostly opposing the event. Some of them were acrimonious. One of the kinder ones read ‘If God had a plan, WHY PRAY?’ It was held by a very cheerful looking guy. I thought, ‘Interesting…’. I drove past him. After I parked my car within the fenced parking lot, I realized that this ‘Why-Pray’ dude was pretty close, on the other side of the fence. I walked over to the fence and said, “Sir, can I talk to you for a moment.”
He was an extraordinarily kind guy he came over to talk. The ‘Why-Pray’ dude is Mr. S. I told him that his sign was interesting and that I wanted to know more of his thoughts behind it. I asked him what his placard meant. He replied, that the meaning was obvious enough.
I realized that I had to post the questions… The statement, ‘If God had a plan, WHY PRAY?’ implied that prayer and God were mutually exclusive. I asked him why he thought they should be mutually exclusive. The lady that was picketting next to him shouted out to Mr. S, “Don’t speak this guy (me). He is just wasting your picketing time”. Being a kind guy, Mr.S, didn’t listen to her. He replied, “If God is in Total control and He has decided what He wants to do, they why pray at all?”
“The answer to that would depend on what sort of relationship I have with God”, I replied, “I pray to God. The reason why I pray to God is because God is my Father. Just like a loving Father would give His son the right to express his thoughts and petitions, God gives use the right and the DIGNITY of prayer to Him.”
He said, “Wouldn’t it be sort of misleading if God were to allow us to pray to Him, but then go and do what He wants to do?”
The answer to that really depends on how I view God. If I view God as a loving Father, then just as a loving Father would do the best for His son, God will do the best for us. Sometimes, He will grant our wishes, sometimes not – ALL for our good.
But isn’t that ‘blind faith’ he responded.
I wouldn’t call it ‘blind faith’. I would call it ‘reasonable faith’. Much of life operates by principles of reasonable faith. We NEVER have ‘exhaustive’ knowledge about anything in life. We always take things by faith. For example, I am talking with you because seeing your cheerful demeanor I thought you would be a reasonable guy to talk to. I didn’t have ‘absolute proof’, but I had ‘reasonable faith’ that you would be a reasonable guy.
He replied, “you are talking to me because there is a fence between us and we can’t hurt each other”.
I replied, “well in that case your ‘blind faith’ is that I don’t have a gun. WHAT proof do you have that I don’t have a gun?”
He replied, “I TOTALLY believe that you have a gun”. We laughed… After all this is TEXAS. Of course, I can’t excersice the 2nd amendment right… I didn’t tell him that though. I figured the idea of me having a gun would put the fear of God in him. 😛
I continued to make the case for how human being always tend to operate by principles of ‘reasonable faith’… Even in Mathematics, we have axioms which really have NO ‘absolute proof’. The proof is assumed based on it being reasonable. It is reasonable to believe that NO man has an infinite mind to be ‘absolutely’ sure that there isn’t any other Being with an infinite mind. If it is reasonable for me to believe that the Reliant Stadium was designed by a sentient being even though I have never seen anyone design it, why wouldn’t it be reasonable to believe that the world was designed by another sentient Being, even though I wasn’t there to witness creation first-hand?
Our conversations went on… and we got to talk about philosophy etc… and I asked him what made him an Atheist. He said that he was from a very Christian family and was active in the Church. But that none answered the questions he had about the Bible. Then he read Sam Harris one day and became an Atheist. I asked him if he read any of the Christian rebuttals against Sam Harris’ books. He hadn’t. I gave him some suggestions.
I suggested he he read both sides of the argument before coming to a conclusion. I was surprised to hear him get excited when he recounted his time with the Church during his teens. I was even more heartened when he actually wrote down the name of the books I suggested. We must have talked for about 30 minutes at least. Before I left, he extended his hand for a hand-shake. But only two fingers could make it through the fence… We shook with two fingers… and bid goodbye… I, whispering a prayer for him and he back to the picketing lines with the placard, “If God has a plan, Why Pray?”
I wish he realizes that every prayer is in itself a part of God’s plan even when the prayer isn’t in in tune with His Sovereign plan. God is powerful enough to bring meaning out of even the most mundane and foolish of prayers…  

7 Days in Utopia – The Workings of the Therapeutic Christian Fad

Disclaimer: This write-up is based on my impressions on seeing the movie ‘7 Days in Utopia’. I have not read the book. I would concur with anyone who of the opinion that the movie does not do justice to the book.

A good friend of mine got me a ticket to the premier of the movie ‘7 Days in Utopia’. After watching the trailer, I wrote to another friend, “7 Days in Utopia, looks to be a sort of secular romanticist hogwash. I want to see it because such movies often are a good gauge to where the society is headed. It would help understand the points of connection that can be used to present the Gospel to the secular culture”.
At the movie, to my surprise, I discovered that the movie was ostensibly Christian. Walking out of the theatre, I thought to myself, “Well, I think the movie has given me a good gauge to where ‘popular Christianity’ is headed. Perhaps, this even gives me the points of connection to presenting the Gospel to the Christian(ly) culture” – an ironic reversal to my earlier ill-informed position.
The movie is about an aspiring young golfer (Lucas Black) who on the back of repeated failures, buckles under the pressure and almost gives upon golf. Totally distraught, the despondent man crashes his car into the farmland of an old man (Robert Duvall) in the village of ‘Utopia’. Robert takes Lucas through a 7 day ‘therapy’ at Utopia that involves a host of clichéd moral teaching and activities ranging from painting to flying to fly-fishing. In the end, Lucas gets back his BEST game ever. He also has a conversion into Christianity.
Robert’s rationale leading to Lucas’ conversion went something like this….
1. You are having problems with golf because you have made golf as the ultimate purpose of your life. The game has taken you over.
2. You have to realize how you have allowed golf to define who you are. It is killing you.
3. You have to realize that God created you for a better purpose.
4. Once you do that, you’ll be free of the burden of having to prove yourself through golf.
5. Then you’ll be a free man and BTW, you’ll play better golf too.
The therapy’s goal was to help him overcome his problem of idolizing golf. The ‘idea’ of God is used in the therapy to help the golfer understand that golf is not the end-all. God has no other use in the narrative. Christ is never talked about anywhere. I was left confused about what was really Christian about this Christian(ly) movie.
I was reminded of Pastor Tim Keller’s presentation on his brilliant book ‘Counterfeit Gods’ at Cambridge. The book deals with the destructiveness of pursuing ‘idols’, particularly the materialistic kind. A sharp student  posted an interesting question – “If you say that I need to pursue God so that I don’t get overwhelmed by the ‘idols’ of materialism that can potentially destroy me, why can I not just posit an imaginary God in my mind?” After all, making an idol of materialistic goals is a problem of the mind – mind creates the idols. Why can’t the solution, just be in the mind too?
The proponents of the New Age religion (yoga, TM etc…) have the answer to this question. They posit a ‘mystical’ God meditating upon whom/it will therapeutically heal the pain and the pressures of materialistic pursuits. New Ageism exalts the human being while making God as a ‘puppet therapist’ who can be invoked from within the mind of the Human Being. This ‘therapist God’ will bring peace and freedom to human mind troubled by relentless pursuit of materialistic idols. No wonder New Ageism originating from the East is now popular in materialistic cultures of the West.
Sadly, the New Ageistic ‘therapeutic’ methodology is followed some ‘Christian’ retreats I have been to. Quite a number of urban Evangelical Churches in their Worship Services, Sermons and Bible Studies follow this principle too. Man’s needs are made the center of the proceedings. God is supposedly invoked through therapeutic worship and some prayer techniques, thereby helping everyone feel healed to live in a state of peaceful complacency.
If Christ were someone with whom one can spend 7 days and get the mojo back whether it be golf or catching fish, Christianity can be easily marketed to the secular culture. If Christ had only been a ‘therapeutic’ healer of sorts, He would never have been crucified. Christ was no therapist, neither is Christianity therapeutic. Any therapeutic benefits in Christianity are incidental, at best secondary. Christ’s quintessential claim was to be the King whom everyone owed allegiance to. 
Christ did not come to give us the ‘Best Life Now’ or create a ‘Champion in You’. Christ came to invite us into a story where we’ll make less and less of ourselves and more and more of Him. The Gospel is NOT about us. The Gospel is about Christ and what He DID to draw us into His Story. The reason why the road to perdition is BROAD and the road to eternal life is NARROW is because this message of this ‘change of allegiance’ goes against what most people fundamentally want to do – make more and more of themselves.
Preachers, evangelists and Christian motivation speakers are not confident of making the ‘tough sell’ into the NARROW road. Wanting to be relevant, affirm and validate the pew-warmers, some of them dilute their message to a point where it is rather difficult to see how the ‘popular Christianity’ presented is different from the New Age religions which advocate similar ideas of superiority of Spiritual realities over the material ones, the need for community consciousness, sacrificial living… etc – resulting in therapeutic healing.
In trying to reach out to the secular culture and find the points of connection, ‘popular Christianity’ has gone too far; losing it own points of connections with the Gospel. The Gospel message – the supremacy of what Christ DID for us and how that changes our allegiance away from self towards Christ, is something that needs to be presented to Christians all over again. Else, Christianity would be reduced to another one of the interesting fads that ‘works for some’ and not for most others.

Why People Love Horses, But Not Christians?

I love horses. Seldom does a beast embody such a co-mingling of danger and beauty. In fact, the reason why I love motorcycles is because the motorcycle is the closest modern man can get to the horse.  


I have never been trained in riding horses, but every time I get a chance to ride one, I never let is pass. The last time I rode a horse, I fell off him as we were racing down a gravel-laden mountain trail. I nudged the horse to speed-up, but he got nudged a little too much. I did a mistake and the right stirrup came off. I fell and slid about 15 feet on the gravel ground . I had to be carried off to the hospital. It was the pure grace of God that none of my bones were broken.

Last weekend, when I was at Rocky Mountains Colorado, I got another chance to ride a horse. I couldn’t resist the tug. But deep within, I was pretty scared. I didn’t want to risk another accident. On the other hand, it was a challenge I couldn’t resist.  My yearning for the dangerous power and beauty of the horse got the better of me. My horse was called ‘Big Block’, for a good reason. Eager to befriend him, I tried to talk to ‘Big Block’. I patted him. I used cuddly language. But Big Block didn’t give a damn about me. He didn’t even look at me. ‘Memories’ of the old accident where wrenching me.

We started on our trails. Big Block was disobedient. He was the most unruly of all the other horses on the trail. I was very cautious and made certain that I was safe on the saddle till the end. When I safely got to the end, I asked a cowboy guide who came with us, “Why is Big Block sort of unruly?” He replied, “Oh, he is just trying to test your will. He is seeing how much he can push you. You have to be FIRM with him, then he’ll obey.” Basically, I had to exercise my ‘dominion’ over him, which I didn’t because I was afraid of spooking him into dumping me.

Looking back, the problem with my less fulfilling horse-back riding was not Big Block. It was I – I had too small a goal. My goal in riding Big Block was to make sure that I was safe. I never intended to exercise ‘dominion’ over him as I should have. I was making sure I wouldn’t fail. I was caught in my own prison of ‘small goals’. I had allowed ‘memories’ of my old mistakes and hurt to prevent me from risking bigger goals and enjoying Big Block to the fullest.

God created man to exercise ‘dominion’ over creation. But man messed it up in the Garden. Christ ‘invaded’ the messed up world and gave us 
1) A new script of freedom 
2) A new authority to exercise dominion 
3) A new a partnership with Him. 


Unfortunately, we still live in the ‘memories’ of the old man who messed things up. Being fearful, we shoot for the lowest common denominator – avoid sin. The highest goal of most good Christians is the lowest common denominator – live a life without sin.

Christians need to move out of their ‘small goal’ prison and exercise ‘dominion’ over the world. We need to start ethical corporations, build compassionate hospitals, revive the crumbling education systems, write good novels, paint sublime pictures, compose great music, show Hollywood how good movies are to be made – build the Kingdom of Heaven. Matt 11:12 – the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and the violent take it by force.


Being sophisticated, we the modern Christians, do not wish to be violent. We want to be ‘nice’ people. We cautiously shoot for a ‘small goal’ – of avoiding all sin by withdrawing into a Christian Ghetto. Our guiding principles are 
1) Safely saddle the Christian bandwagon that is on it way to heaven 
2) Don’t do ANYTHIG that will risk falling off 
3) Don’t do ANYTHING that is dangerous 
4) Just stay safe until you get to heaven 


This is precisely why bland modern Christians, in comparison with the pre-modern kingdom-conquering counterparts, aren’t dangerous or beautiful. Of course, the horses are better loved!

RIP

I was speaking with a friend over coffee on Saturday. We were talking about books and movies and politics as I do with most of my friends. But then the conversation shifted to music and musicals and operas. I was out of depth. I felt excited and challenged in a good way though, because suddenly I had something new I wanted to learn and in the following few days, I did learn some fascinating facts about music… 🙂 

Going back, On Saturday, I came home and as I was journaling, I was wondering why I hadn’t really learned to pummel the depths of music. I just ‘passively’ listen to everyone from ‘Black Eye Peas’ to BoneyM to Beethoven to Bach. I remember when I was a kid my mother did everything she could do to get me to have piano lessons. She even arranged for a tutor to come home and teach me. My naive rationale to not wanting to learn the music lessons was, “I have a mind that is keener than my ear. So it makes sense for me to invest in things that have to do with my thinking. I think learning music would take time away from my being able to accomplish something great with this mind of mine.” 
I preferred to be the master of one trade instead of being the jack of a bunch. I wanted to master all knowledge. My goal was to know everything about everything in life. Now, looking back, it just makes me smile at my own folly. I can’t quite see that I accomplished anything of what I wanted to with my supposedly ‘keen mind’. I had over-analyzed and misunderstood the benefits of learning music. Or maybe I was too lazy to invest in something that did not come naturally to me. Or maybe I was just too obsessed with a goal of wanting to know everything about everything. I missed an opportunity.
Looking back, I see my life is filled with ‘hits’ and ‘misses’. More misses than hits. 😛 There are things I should have done which I have left undone. There are things which I oughtn’t have done which I have done. But at the end of the day, one thing I know is this. The marking on my tombstone will read ‘Rests in Peace’. For, no matter what I did or did not do, or will do or won’t do, I know that I’ll ultimately be ‘content’ in the Lord. 
After all, this life is NOT about ME. All of life’s a stage that belongs to the Lord. Men and Women play their parts to the heavenly audience that applaud the grandeur of the Master Director. It is not so much about what I accomplish in life (or my ‘hits’ and ‘misses’). Life is really about me playing my part in the ‘Story of the Lord’, which at the worldly level is the story of His ‘covenant community’. Whatever my part, whether it be to be the CEO or the Cobbler, it shall all be done for the glory of the Lord the Master Director.
In life, we struggle in the ‘tension’ between ambition and moderation, taking initiative and doing what is right. We need to remember what our last line on the Stage would be – ‘Rests In Peace’. We’ll be supremely satisfied to see the Lord ultimately glorified on the Stage, the Cosmos. The Master Director will have brilliantly turned our ‘hits’ and ‘misses’ into a Cosmic Story-line that ultimate glorifies of His Name. We are PROMISED in the Scriptures that the Lord Himself shall be our REWARD. His glory would be so beautiful that we’ll be lost in adoration. We would be totally satisfied. We would ‘Rest in Peace’ with no regrets for having missed what we thought we didn’t want to miss. 

When we pray and read the Bible, we have he foretaste of this PROMISED REWARD. We need to press hard towards the goal, looking forward at the PROMISED Reward as we have our little foretastes of it in the minor theophanies we experience in this life. My problem of not knowing everything about everything couldn’t have had a better solution.